Sunday, April 16, 2006

APOSTLES' SONG

Look at all my trials and tribulations
Sinking in a gentle pool of wine
What's that in the bread it's gone to my head
Till this evening is this morning life is fine
Always hoped that I'd be an apostle
Knew that I would make it if I tried
If I tried
Then when we retire we can write the gospels
So they'll still talk about us when we've died

18 Comments:

Anonymous WhattheH said...

Ah yes, I remember it well, but I prefer

For life is quite absurd,
And death's the final word.
You must always face the curtain with a bow!
Forget about your sin -- give the audience a grin,
Enjoy it -- it's the last chance anyhow!

So always look on the bright side of death!
Just before you draw your terminal breath.
Life's a piece of shit,
When you look at it.

Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true,
You'll see it's all a show,
Keep 'em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you!

And always look on the bright side of life...

Life of Brian, one of my all time favourite movies, and tossed off by one of my favourite comedic actors, musicians, writers, producers etc. What a talent - to be able to make people see the absurdities and laugh at them.

12:33 PM  
Blogger durrati said...

not to mention exec. producer George Harrison....

2:55 PM  
Blogger durrati said...

My fave scene...

OFFICIAL:
You have been found guilty by the elders of the town of uttering the name of our Lord, and so, as a blasphemer,...
CROWD:
Ooooh!
OFFICIAL:
...you are to be stoned to death.
CROWD:
Ahh!
MATTHIAS:
Look. I-- I'd had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was, 'That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah.'
CROWD:
Oooooh!
OFFICIAL:
Blasphemy!

He's said it again!
CROWD:
Yes! Yes, he did! He did!...
OFFICIAL:
Did you hear him?!
CROWD:
Yes! Yes, we did! We did!...
WOMAN #1:
Really!
[silence]
OFFICIAL:
Are there any women here today?
CROWD:
No. No. No. No...
OFFICIAL:
Very well. By virtue of the authority vested in me--
[CULPRIT WOMAN stones MATTHIAS]
MATTHIAS:
Oww! Lay off! We haven't started yet!
OFFICIAL:
Come on! Who threw that? Who threw that stone? Come on.
CROWD:
She did! She did! He did! He! He. He. Him. Him. Him. Him. He did.
CULPRIT WOMAN:
Sorry. I thought we'd started.
OFFICIAL:
Go to the back.
CULPRIT WOMAN:
Oh, dear.

3:24 PM  
Anonymous WhattheH said...

Almost as good as the witch scene in Holy Grail, or perhaps better. Each one just gives me the giggles when I watch (to be truthful, they are huge belly laughs).
Mind you, the Knights who say Ni are the absolute best, if you don't count the rabbit - then there's the Dead Parrot, the Spanish Inquistion argh...Damn, I give up. How about that Rabbit being thrown over the parapets? So Easterish doncha think?

6:33 PM  
Blogger Private Partz said...

"There's no messiahs in here, only a very naughty boy!"


Priceless memory.

6:38 PM  
Blogger durrati said...

what,

The cow being catapulted, the Holy Hand Grenade... too many to remember... and the coconuts! Who can forget the coconuts....

any other favorites, Partz???

6:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn!

7:23 PM  
Blogger Private Partz said...

I agree, too many to remember. And they always seem to come to me at inopportune times, much to the chagrin of Mrs. Partz when I fling them about in mixed company.

And WhatheH, couldn't agree more, "Life of Brian" would make me life if I watched it while receiving a root canal with a rusty x-acto knife. I often try to convey to our younger brethren how unique the Python boys were, and how ground breaking, but alas, it falls on deaf ears in these formulaic days.
I raise an Easter toast to the Originals in all fields. May you always endeavor to fall flat on your face to make history!!
Now excuse me, there is someone at the door, a "Mr. Death". Something about a "reaping".

P.P.

7:24 PM  
Blogger durrati said...

damn indeed....

7:24 PM  
Blogger durrati said...

Please be quick on yer feet Partz, we are enjoying your compant far too much to have you "Jennied"....

8:20 PM  
Blogger Sgt Marks-a-lot said...

Mr. D,

I left you mail a few days back. It may have been swept up in your spam filter. If you find it, read it and let me know if you are interested.

Happy Easter to all.

Marks

8:29 PM  
Blogger durrati said...

The Reaper Whispered.



I remember. . .

Pitch black watery sight.
The room filled with hatred.
The sound of glass
shattered the unkempt silence.

The world stopped.
Glaciers fell from the stars,
crushing the once proud smile
of this now forgotten king.

Angry woe came
upon a rainy day.
The reaper whispered
into a well-held ear.

Let the misery consume.

Pain from the jagged pane.

Let the world end.

Bleeding fingers
and shredded palms
grasped at vacant hope,
eyes cried for past emotion.

Then came a voice,

simple,

calm,

angelic.

It sang of could-be futures,
told of unlived dreams.

The promises of missed smiles
would not be found in a land
of darkened delight.

A child’s laughter echoed in the distance.

The seraphim’s call
became a familiar melody,
bringing peace to this torn soul,
healing the dying heart
with nothing more
than friendship.


Thank you Jenny.

8:38 PM  
Blogger durrati said...

before we move on I have to give one more nod to Rice-Webber...

Annas
What shall we do about Jesus of Nazareth?
Miracle worker, pilgrim or fool

Priest
No riots, no Romans, no fighting, no slogans

Caiaphas
One thing to say for him, Jesus is cool

Annas
We dare not leave him to his own devices
His half-witted fans will get out of control

Priest
But how can we stop him, his glamour increases
With every minute, he's top of the pole

Caiaphas
I see bad things arising
The crowd crown him King
Which the Romans would ban
I see blood and destruction
Our elimination because of one man
Blood and destruction
Because of one man

Voices
What can we do about this Jesusmania?
How can we deal with the carpenter king?
Where do we start with a man who is bigger
Than John was when John did his baptism thing?

Caiaphas
Fools! You have no perception
The stakes we are gambling
Are frighteningly high
We must crush him completely
So like John before him
This Jesus must die
For the sake of the nation
This Jesus must die
Must die, must die
This Jesus must die

9:04 PM  
Blogger KidKawartha said...

Thanx, durrati, you just made my Easter.

Slightly off topic,

C'mon, sir, just one tiiinnnnyyy little wafer-

F--koff, I'm full!

The mill is closed!

I'm sorry, children, I have to sell you all for scientific research.

Children: Aw, do you have to, papa?

9:20 PM  
Blogger durrati said...

Thanks and yer welcome kid,

Why are we here, what is life all about?
Is God really real, or is there some doubt?
Well tonight we're going to sort it all out,
For tonight it's the Meaning of Life.

What's the point of all these hoax?
Is it the chicken and egg time, are we all just yolks?
Or perhaps, we're just one of God's little jokes,
Well ca c'est the Meaning of Life.

Is life just a game where we make up the rules
While we're searching for something to say
Or are we just simple spiralling coils
Of self-replicating DNA?

What is life? What is our fate?
Is there Heaven and Hell? Do we reincarnate?
Is mankind evolving or is it too late?
Well tonight here's the Meaning of Life.

9:47 PM  
Blogger durrati said...

Grim Reaper: Shut up! Shut up you American. You always talk, you
Americans, you talk and you talk and say 'Let me tell you
something' and 'I just wanna say this', Well you're dead now,
so shut up.

Katzenberg: Dead?

Grim Reaper: Dead.

Angela: All of us??

Grim Reaper: All of you.

Geoffrey: Now look here. You barge in here, quite uninvited, break
glasses and then announce quite casually that we're all dead.
Well I would remind you that you are a guest in this house
and...

[The Grim Reaper pokes him in the eye.]

Grim Reaper: Be quiet! You Englishmen... You're all so fucking
pompous and none of you have got any balls.

Debbie: Can I ask you a question?

Grim Reaper: What?

Debbie: ... How can we all have died at the *same* time?

Grim Reaper: [pointing] The salmon mousse! [They all goggle.]

Geoffrey: [to Angela] Darling, you didn't use tinned salmon did
you?

Angela: [unbelievably embarrassed] I'm most dreadfully
embarrassed...

Grim Reaper: Now, the time has come. Follow... follow me...

9:54 PM  
Blogger Joe Don Martin said...

"Oh, look, Mrs. Niggerbaiter has exploded again!"

"Ooooh, he's got a tummy-tum-tum. Ooooh, he's got a tummy-tum-tum."

"I'm the Minister for Overseas Development, Mother."

10:06 AM  
Blogger Joe Don Martin said...

"Roll on up -- for my price is down
Come on in -- for the best in town
Take your pick of the finest wine
Lay your bets on this bird of mine

Name your price I got everything
Come and buy it's all going fast
Borrow cash on the finest terms
Hurry now while stocks still last..."

10:11 AM  

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